I’m not one for big New Year resolutions mainly because of the hype, the pressure and the low rate of success. All things that I instinctively balk at. And, I like the thought that I can change at any time, I don’t need to wait for a New Year.
However, moving from one year into another is a great time of reflection for me. What did I accomplish? What did I learn? Where did I mess up? How I do and be better?
Last year, I choose a word of the year (actually two words because I couldn’t decide) Enough and Yet. They both represented me embracing a growth mindset while giving myself a break and tackling some of my perfectionist leanings. And, I think they really did help me frame and describe 2018. In my job, I’m still learning (I don’t know it all, yet) but also know that I have a lot to offer (I am enough). At home, while there is still a long list of things we want to do as a family and haven’t – yet … beach vacation, college visits, ACT, drivers test. I am reminded that there is more than enough … time, money, love, support … to do it all, in the right time.
This year, I’m also reflecting on the New Year being the 1/2 way point of my 50th year. This is a big year, a turning point for who I still want to become. I see it as a year to be courageous and do things that have scared me, are monumental or that I’ve put off. This year will symbolically set the pace for my “50’s”. Part of me is worried that I don’t have big enough goals. But another part of me would be happy if I make it through the daily madness of 3 teenagers and their fun but hectic schedules.
Here are my goals, in no particular order…
~ Cut my hair. Short. – CHECK! Right before the holidays, I had it cut modeled after Joy in Inside Out. I love her hair but cutting it that short was a bold step. Like a lot of people, I worried that I didn’t have a small enough body or good enough skin to pull off a short hair cut. Plus, considering how grey I am, would it make me look older than I am? So far, I’m loving it. Its easy and I think its sassy, although I do still avoid a full length mirror. Next up, going all the way and coloring the front part blue. This is my fun, but scary, goal.
~ Ride the MS150 for the 25th time – I am so excited for the ride this year (June 2018). I will be my 25th ride meaning … I’ll have done the ride 1/2 my life. I’m really proud of the commitment and perseverance it takes to do this ride each year and … its a whole lot of fun! I’m thinking about making t-shirts or something to wear on the ride to celebrate this accomplishment. (the MS150 is a 150 mile bike ride from Duluth to St Paul – join me!) This is my wellness goal.
~ Examine my control issues – Having a daughter with anxiety is forcing me (yes, forcing me – I am going down this path kicking and screaming) to examine my own anxiety and how I manage it. I have been remembering the panic attacks I had during tests in college and realizing that the psoriasis that I experience is a direct result of stress. I have highly developed coping skills (daily 1 hour walks, a clean email inbox and an obsessive need to have a clutter free house) that work for me but … may be contributing to the stress and anxiety of others, most importantly, my daughter. My control issues really come down to anxiety. If I am in control, then I don’t need to be anxious. However (spoiler alert), this is purely a façade. I need to figure out how to feel my way through the anxiety so that I can find ways to help myself and my daughter. This is going to be my stretch goal, the goal that I may not attain this year but will work hard at.
Which brings me back to Joy from Inside Out. When I looked up her character profile, here is what I learned “Joy is the engine. She keeps everyone moving and happy. She represents the parts of Riley that are starting to change and become more complicated, and she is reluctant to let that change happen. She may be the most positive, but in many ways, she is the least flexible”.
Yikes, that hits a little close to home. No wonder I like her haircut.
Wish me luck! What are your goals for 2019?